Odd? Just remember what is written over the doors that lead to Centre Court. The portion of the gorgeous Rudyard Kipling’s poem “IF” that was selected was “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two impostors just the same”. Now, if that is not a deterrent for any player, I don’t know what is. It is akin to somebody asking you “Are you ready? Because if you are not ready you better not walk out there, kiddo”. This was what (legend says) Ilie Nastase told Bjorn Borg before their final in 1976, but back to the sign, it is not the greatest of pep talks. It is not a Yankee “C´mon, go get ém!” It is not a resounding “You can do it!” It is more of a “You Sure?”, and actually, I can think of one final in which both players should have looked at the sign and said “You know, I really can’t treat them both the same” and not walk out. Jana Novotna and Nathalie Tauziat should have had the courage of telling the world they did not have the courage to go out, and perhaps we would have all been better off.

The grass? You want to talk about the grass? Indeed. To begin with, the AELTC about a decade ago changed the grass to make the points longer, the rallies more enthralling. And they achieved that, but the thing they did not think about was that the slower the grass, and the longer the points, the more the grass suffers! Now, by day three, the back of the court plays like a dirt court because, let’s face it, it is dirt. There is no grass there anymore. On the second Sunday, prior to this change of surface, the middle T was worn out to the point that the grass-keepers (how about that for Job Description?) had to paint the soil green to fool the TV audience (sorry, we now have HD TV, laddies!) The base line? Luscious like an English meadow, but the T was a veritable Sahara. Now, with the reverse effect, the services boxes are fairly green, and I would guess the only wear and tear they get is because of the doubles players.

And last: The All White rule. To begin with, it also got modified. It is not ALL WHITE; it is ALMOST All White. But then, for those with enough memory, Anne White (go ahead, Google that image and rejoice) donned a completely white body suit and was banned from using it. Something to do with skin tight spandex, a gorgeous Blonde American and decency, but the thing was that Ms. White was wearing TOO MUCH White. You get the point? I don’t.

Wimbledon was the tournament where optic yellow balls (that’s what they were initially called) began being used. Wimbledon was suffering from poor TV ratings, mostly because in the days prior to HD, 50” + TV’s, people actually spoke as if they REALLY had seen the ball during the broadcast, when in reality, the white ball stopped being white after a few games and you couldn´t tell it from the dark green grass. Do not be misled; the AELTC cares a lot about tradition and decorum, and one tradition that is much respected in England is the tradition of making money. The only difference between them and other countries is that when they make money fist over fist, they try to have the fists gloved.

White gloves, of course.

So they changed the balls to optic yellow and on a Sunny day, at noon, with no overcast and sitting in the first rows, you could see the ball. But the ratings were up, so it was all good.

Players? Almost All White. Balls? Yellow. They are watching this on the telly, bloke!

Wimbledon. It is odd. It is weird. They accept only one sponsor. But it is Rolex. Equivalent to saying that you only have one Uncle, but he is Warren Buffet. Wimbledon is much more than an irregular tournament. It is even an irregular Slam. It is weird by design, it is odd by choice. It is finicky (no play on middle Sunday, so the Wimbledon village can enjoy its Sunday rest), it is weirdly stingy (What´s that? I played to 70-68 in the fifth set and all I get is a set of champagne flutes?), it is totally unaware of fashion (Purple and green? The Joker wears purple and green, man!).

And if you still don’t believe me, go there. See for yourself. In the meantime, between standing in awe at all the weirdness of The Championships, rejoice in its grandeur. Because it may be the strangest of all tennis tournaments in the world, but it is also the grandest and greatest.

I have no clue how they manage. But they do.