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oploskoffie

Feeling loss...

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Repost from the forum...



From the left to the right you see four of my family members. My mother, my grandmother, my grandfather and my aunt. Not in these pictures is my grandmother from my father's side of the family. During the past ten months, four of the five persons mentioned have died. We lost my grandfather ten days ago. Grandma died last month.

To keep it simple: my aunt is the only one left of my closest family. No matter how many relatives I have on my father's side of the story, it's these people that always meant the most to me, regardless of past stupidities. To not have them around anymore seemed, at times, to happen in an instant. Other moments made the process feel like it had taken several years and would go on forever.

I've had an ongoing "internal" discussion for a long time now. Do I mention this here, on TAT? I tend to keep things to myself, even when you may think I'm spilling my guts to you. So far, nothing in life has managed to kill me and most crap I've managed to turn into something that, eventually, works in my favour. At least, that's my take on it. So why post anything online? Most of you who take a psychological look at this will probably will be able to come up with several options...

For now, for here, I want to "remember" beyond the small circle of friends and family that inhabits my everyday life. Not so all of you can remember names and faces, but to emphasize the obvious. Life is short, unfair and things actually do change, even if people tend to say that they never really do. Embrace those close to you and take time out, on a regular basis, to remember those who have left us. The latter needn't be a sad thing by any means. It can add a little perspective to things.

Without anything smart/predictable to say coming to mind right now, I'm signing off with a little drawing my grandfather made near the village of Leens where he was born. He had a lifelong love of the gypsy life and music and always yearned for that kind of freedom of movement and depth of emotion. Who knows, maybe he's got everything he wanted now...

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  1. atlpam's Avatar
    Beautiful pictures of your family and I love the drawing that your grandfather did. You are fortunate to have had so much time with them all and it is obvious that you have many wonderful memories that will keep them alive in your heart.

    We have been struggling with my Dad's health since September and I have been just trying to focus on visiting as frequently as I can to spend time with him while I can because we never know what tomorrow holds. My greatest experience in the last year was my Grand Canyon hike, which I did in my Mom's memory as a fundraiser for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I finally felt like something positive came out of the pain of losing her so early and it really helped me come to peace with it (after 18 years).

    Relish the times you spent together and enjoy the moments you still have with your Aunt.
  2. Moose's Avatar
    Love the drawing, but even more, love your words, Oplo. I've lost a lot of people that I love over the years, but I've never lost the ability to remember some of those precious times I got to spend with them.
    The day we buried my mom, despite all the sadness, my one brother made a comment about her that had us in stitches (he was recalling one of her daffier moments). The post-burial time together turned into a day of fond recollection and warmth amongst us that knew her well. I'm glad I have such great memories of my time with her, and many other members of my family.
  3. ponchi101's Avatar
    Because I travel so much, I missed a few years there with my dad, who died in 2006. He died of Alzheimer, so it was also a slow process of losing him. Now with my mom having reached 70, my goal is to spend more time with her. Your post made me realize, once more, how little time we have together, and my need to spend it with her. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, oploskoffie.
  4. GVGirl's Avatar
    My heart goes out to you Oplo, so much sadness and stress.

    Right now a couple of my family members are not doing well either.

    I just came back from the funeral of the mother of a good friend who was like another Mother to me. She was one of few people I've ever known in life who was always happy, fun, full of life, and made others happy and feel good about themselves. She lived life to the fullest, she had no regrets. I called her Mrs. Champagne because she was so bubbly. She asked that after her funeral service and the burial that we all drink a jack and coke or do a shot of JD to remember her as they were her favorite party drinks. LOL Bless her.

    Life is short, spend "quality" time (over quantity) with those you love.

    As my Dad says you have to keep on living and keep your dreams alive because when you give up on your dreams you might as well be dead.
  5. Danielle's Avatar
    Thank you, Oplo. I could say more but I don't think it needs to be said, just felt.
  6. oploskoffie's Avatar
    Thank you all. Big hug from this side of the pond.
  7. morct's Avatar
    Just reading this now. Thanks for sharing with us.

    Words are never enough for this kind of situation, but much hugs and kind thoughts on the way to you from this corner of the world Mr. Koffie.
  8. Foxykhat's Avatar
    I don't exactly what to say Koffie but I'm glad you decided to share this with us and that we can be there for you. Remember we are always here for you

    Foxy
  9. rabbit's Avatar
    Just reading this now. Thanks for sharing in such a heartfelt manner, oplo.
  10. Ti-Amie's Avatar
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us Mr Koffie
  11. TennisAnyone74's Avatar
    Mr. Koffie:

    I just saw this post, and I feel your loss. I have not shared that my father passed away (I cannot use the "d" word) on March 25th. I still don't quite accept it though I know in my mind he's gone, my heart won't believe. My father lived 85 years and to many, that's alot of years. My mother had him for 63 of those years. As the baby of the family, I only had him for 45, and I feel cheated. Memorial day this month (he was a WWII vet), Father's Day in June, and is birthday in July, not mention my parents' anniversary that we always celebrated on Thanksgiving because they got married on that day, and these months are looking dismal. My grandparents died when I was relatively young. Now I am experiencing loss on a level I can't quite deal with, so I feel your loss and emptiness and incomprehension and . . .

    TA